Subject: News from Germany - Part II

I thought I would finish up with some of life’s funnier moments here in Germany as I wade through the cultural landmines that abound around here.

Large underground parking lots are great in Germany and are very automated. Typically you drive in, push a button, out pops a ticket, the barricade lifts up, and you drive in and find a spot. On the way out, there are cash machines on most floors that you insert your ticket, it tells you how much you owe, you pay, and then at the exit you put your ticket in a machine, the barricade lifts up and you drive away. Simple and elegant. However, here in the suburb of Bad Godesburg where we live, this garage also has an attendant that roams around enforcing all the rules, explicit and implicit. Women only parking on the first floor is for women drivers only. Mother and child parking is NOT for father and child. Explicit rules are easy. An unwritten rule seems to be you need to park in the first available spot. I always drive to the bottom floor where there is plenty of parking. One day several months ago, Dianne was also attempting to follow my very good advice when the parking police (polite version of name Dianne gave to him) came running after Dianne screaming at her that she had apparently missed parking in a spot. As she continued to drive on, missing small narrow spots, this guy became infuriated, yelling at her in German to park the car in an open spot. Dianne rolled down the window, smiled, said that she only spoke English and drove to the bottom floor. She is still traumatized today and I usually park the car for her fear of meeting up with the enforcer.

Recycling is taken very seriously in Germany. When we moved in, we were given bins for paper, plastic/metal, bio waste and regular garbage. I asked the property manger when we were getting the glass recycling container. He replied, “Oh, you don’t need a bin, we have large containers conveniently located all over the city that you can drive your glass to”. I thought, that’s weird, I wonder if he is just lazy and won’t give me one so I asked the neighbor what they do about glass and was told, “Oh, you don’t need a bin, we have large containers conveniently located all over the city that you can drive your glass to” Every week or so I now load the car with glass and drive around looking for 20 minutes for a convenient bin. Very weird.

Recycling pick up times are issued in a very large book and sent to us in the mail at random times. Sometimes regular garbage is done weekly, sometimes bi weekly. The other stuff is all done a couple of times a month, and different dates every month. The bins are never picked up on the same day. Every night I look out the window and say to myself, I hope the neighbors can read that damn manual as I scan to see if they have left cans out for the next morning pickup.

I also found out that everyone takes sorting very seriously and have heard many stories where recycling collectors will go through your bins and if anything is out of order they either (politely) just leave the bin without emptying it or (rudely) knock the bin and its contents all over your lawn. The collectors always look through our bins (what are they looking for? Do they keep the good stuff??), but have always taken it away.

The have just instituted a new deposit program for some plastic bottles and most aluminum (mostly beer) cans whereby stores charge you a deposit when you buy it and give you back your money when you return it. Almost all the stores hate this bureaucracy and require you to keep the receipt showing you were charged the deposit at their store before they refund you any money. I was at a store and had spent a considerable amount on groceries when the clerk starts talking to me at high speed in German about the receipt. I tried, but just couldn’t figure out what she was saying, so she tracked someone down to explain to me that if I wanted my 50 cents in deposit back, I would have to keep the receipt. I naturally just threw the stuff into the recycling bins when we were done with the goods. Two days later the maid (yes we have a maid – Dianne hates my house cleaning abilities), pulls the bottles from the bins and proceeds to tell me all about the new deposit program. I tried to tell her that for 50 cents, it just wasn’t worth the hassle so I threw away the receipt. She was truly disappointed. In the future I am going to have to do a better job hiding the bottles from her.

The funniest thing of all about German recycling is that they do not have the infrastructure to deal with all the sorting done by individuals, so it is all combined at the end process and burned. Many people know this, but insist that it is still good to practice sorting, so when the infrastructure can handle it, the transition will be easy.

When we arrived for our first visit last year in June, we ran across a very bizarre habit whereby Germans turn off their car at busy intersections and at train crossings to cut down on pollution being emitted form the car. The other day I was sitting waiting for a train to pass and I blurt out under my breath, why doesn’t that idiot in front of me turn off his car. I guess I’m adapting rather well.

We were having dinner with some Germans when the topic of health came up. The German stated that he couldn’t believe how unfit Americans were compared to Germans. I believe his view came from visiting Florida. What he really saw were French Canadians lying on the beach with their speedos. Our opinion was that Germans were incredibly unhealthy compared to Americans. 40% of Germans smoke (the highest % in Europe) and they eat incredibly greasy food. Everything is fried. Good German food is Italian! Americans have a life expectancy of 77 years and the Germans 78, so I guess they are right. Perspective is very interesting.

Germans also love to bike. It is definitely weird to see an 80 year old lady huffing and puffing up the steep hill to our house. I also see men in business suits and a poncho riding to work in the pouring rain. Only severe snow seems to keep them away. No one wears helmets. Dianne was having German lessons last week. One of the exercises was to use a work in a made up sentence to check your understanding. Dianne’s word was “helmet” and she said (in German) “I wear a helmet when I ride my bike”. The German teacher says “No, “helmet” “, so Dianne repeats the sentence. The teacher raises her voice and says no you don’t understand and proceeds to mimic wearing a helmet on her head. After a 3 minute explanation that Dianne really did wear a helmet when she cycled, the teacher kind of gave up with a perplexed look in her face as if to say, “you really do wear a helmet?”

When getting a shopping cart you must always have a Euro ready to unlock the cart from the group in the parking lot. Of course, when we first arrived, we rarely carried a Euro coin around, and if we did, it was by luck. Several times we simply strolled into the store and asked the clerk to break a bill. At every store they would point to the cash drawer and say, sorry I can’t open it, so we would have to go begging to people around the store to break a bill or buy a 10 cent item with a 50 Euro bill. We would curse the employee for days. As I watch more carefully these days, the clerk says, sorry the drawer won’t open, but they mean, sorry I can’t open the drawer, but if you wait until the next customer to pay, then I’ll make change. It’s hard to pay attention to nuances when you are stressed to death about grocery shopping. The other day I was in a parking lot returning my cart to get my Euro back, when a lady comes up to me and asks to break a two Euro coin so she can get a cart. I’m thinking to myself that I wonder if she is new to Germany too – don’t all Germans carry Euros? I only had one Euro in my pocket, so I brilliantly told her (in German). Give me your two Euro coin and I’ll give you the cart (with the Euro in it) and my one Euro. Apparently she didn’t trust me, even with Conner in tow, so we had to walk across the entire parking lot, return my cart, take out the Euro, do the exchange for the two euro coin and then she deposited my coin back into the cart and started on her way to shop. Germans are very distrustful and never assume the best. I’m sure the expression; “benefit of the doubt” does not exist in Germany.

Distrust seems to manifest itself everywhere. Everything is locked, Our house has 16 doors and all have a lock and key. Every key is different. If you leave you’re car for 1 minute, it’s locked. Some of my neighbors lock their car as they haul each load of groceries into the house. It feels like I live in Detroit, but I doubt if we have ever even had a minor crime in our neighborhood. One of Dianne’s co workers did commit an unwritten crime though. Too much grilling on the barbeque. Apparently a neighbor was irate that he was using his BBQ once a week and that was too much, so he came over to explain that he need to cease and desist. There are no such laws on the books, but people have no problem telling you that what you are doing is offending them.

Culture can change and Dianne has proved it. Germans never say hi when they walk by you. It’s as if they are busy and life is too important for the small stuff. We have about 15 blue collar construction workers in our neighborhood that are working to finish up the houses they have been working on for the last 3 years. One morning Dianne insists on saying “Guten Tag (good day)” to the three or four people she sees in the morning. No one looked her way or responded. I laughed at her. Three weeks later, Dianne is still saying ‘Guten Tag’ every morning to the stone faces. But low and behold, about a month later, one responds back. Today, all the workers say “Guten Tag” to us every morning without prompting. Go Dianne! The world is a friendlier place for us and I’m sure the Germans can’t wait for us to return to California.

Bye for now

tom