Hello from Tom & Family in Germany

To All my friends in California, Hello!

I haven’t written much in a long time since returning from Christmas. My family was rather annoyed at my long silence, (especially those I did not see at Xmas), and asked me to give them an update of life in Germany. I wrote a couple of e-mails with some of our adventures and funnier moments in this far away country. I’ve pieced the messages together below to let you know how life is. My apologies if you heard some of these stories already. The note is rather long, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. I miss California and the funny stories from Mattson (but not the work!) Life as a stay at home dad is pretty good still.

I’m trying to post some pictures on the web, but don’t hold your breath quite yet!

Hope all is well.

tom

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We have finally settled into life on this side of the water. Speaking on behalf of the family, I can say that we are happy we are here. It is definitely not paradise, but it is good and getting better. I believe the arrival of spring and summer will make a big difference also. The sun is shining more often and we are planning our summer trips.

In early April spent a weekend in Brugge, Belgium. It is a very nice little city filled with canals. It was fairly cold, but we plan to return in the summer to enjoy it even more. We took a tour of the canals on a boat, which was a lot of fun. We also strolled around the city for most of the day Saturday. We were told Belgium is famous for beer, French (freedom?) fries and chocolate. We indulged in all three. We stayed at a little 10 room bed and breakfast just outside of the city which was great. They were very nice people running the place. They served a fixed menu meal on Friday evening and breakfast both days. We were greeted at the front door when we arrived and it got better from there! On Sunday we watched part of a professional cycling race. It was cold and the cyclists blew by us at high speed, but it was fun to watch. Next year we will watch on a hill when their speeds drop to less than 25 mph.

We went to Italy for Spring break around Easter. We rented an apartment in a renovated farm house in the Tuscany region of Italy. It was not on the coast (although we have explored that too) but was within a 1 hour drive of the coast. It was very relaxing and a great place for the kids to play. Kailah (our dog) also joined us which we would all loved. Italy is much different than Germany (as described in a few stories below). Once of our tour books summarized it quite nicely. “For many Italians, finding ways to get around the law is a way of life. They are likely to act with surprise, if not annoyance, if you point out they might be breaking a law. Few people pay attention to speed limits, many motorcyclists and drivers don’t stop at red lights – and certainly not at pedestrian crossings. No one bats an eyelid about littering or dogs pooping in the middle of the footpath.” Needless to say, we had a wonderful time and look forward to going back in the near future.


We have also booked a July vacation in France and we will be returning to Italy in early July also. Some of our Danville friends are coming to see us for a whirl wind tour of Europe. Kira's best friend Mandy will stay with us after her parents leave. In late July, early August, we head off to Canada to see Dianne's parents and spend some time in Ottawa and at the cottage. I'm hoping we can meet up with you guys for a part of the stay if you are around at that time.

Our stay in Germany is getting better as we learn their culture and try to understand it more. Not that we approve, but at least we understand. As one German told us, "why would you buy a dryer when you could hang dry your close for three days in the basement and save all that electricity". Americans all laugh about these types of stories. We have found many of them to give the appearance of being unfriendly as they rarely say hello or engage in informal chatter with near complete strangers. Americans, on the other hand, become best friends with people, just because they meet someone else from the States. German's find us plastic and insincere for this "phony" conversation. I have become very aware of our follow on to "hello" as "how are you doing?" Our relocation lady's husband (both are German but have dealt extensively with Americans) relayed a story to us over dinner about how someone asked him how he was doing. He went into a very long answer to fully explain how he was doing. When he looked up, the American was long gone, having never truly expected a real answer to "how are you doing". I went into a computer store the other day, and after they noted that they spoke a little English I said, Hello and then let slip "how are you?", to which he responded "I am supposed to say I am well, and you are well too, yes?".

Germans are very well known for their quality and ability to work hard. We have found none of this while we are here. A local monthly English newsletter joked that they must export all their quality items. They seem to want to talk things to death and can never make decisions. This is clearly evident in the international scene, and Dianne says it is rampant at work.

There are very few entrepreneurs in Germany. Most businesses have to put up large deposits with the government before they can begin. Labor laws are very pro worker making it almost impossible to get rid of people. As well, Germans are very pessimistic, and almost all realize that going into business for yourself is high risk and does not have a high probability of success, so why bother. We have found the entrepreneurs to be wonderful people who welcome us into their business and community. We go to several local restaurants and they always remember us. In the local Lebanese restaurant, Conner is usually whisked away by the owner and given a tour of the kitchen. He always returns with candy or dessert. In the little Italian restaurant (owned by a Bosnian), he always gives us handfuls of candy for Kira, if she doesn't come with us. We have also found a great wine shop that has been very nice to us. We have been to several wine and cheese pairing parties that he has given. He almost always throws in a free bottle when we stop by. We normally buy 6-10 bottles in 5 minutes or less, using his recommendations past and present. Most of his German customers appear to be agonizing for hours over a $5 bottle of wine (yes, he opens the bottle so they can taste), and they always seem to buy only one bottle.

I think I have mastered the most stressful part of the German experience, grocery shopping. Seriously, this is the worst experience for almost all foreigners here. I shop for the four of us, and always have a full cart. I often stand behind Germans who have practically nothing in their carts. Why would you shop, stand in line for 10 minutes and have to bag your own groceries for a yogurt and two beers, as the person in front of me yesterday did? Our new neighbors, originally from the Netherlands, recently from Egypt (that they loved), want to leave Germany because the people are so unfriendly and shopping is horrible. A new co-worker of Dianne's was so proud of himself last weekend for making it through the grocery store by himself and finding the 20 or so items that he needed / wanted. After paying for the goods he quickly realized that the food was not going to be bagged for him and the next customer's goods were already beginning to commingle with his. Not knowing where the shopping bags were and not being offered any help from the checkout person, he began stuffing the goods into his jacket and ended up staggering down the street as his groceries kept falling out all over the sidewalk.

I have found that Germans are also very cheap. They will buy lower quality to save a few pennies. One grocery store, Aldi, is very famous in Germany. It is all cash and carry. Most food is of lower quality, but most Germans swear by this store. The stores are typically very small (2 times the size of a 7-11) and the products change daily. A couple of years ago they started selling computers at deep discount. People would line up overnight to buy these computers filled with cheap parts. They are now the largest sellers of computers in Germany. They are also the 5th largest clothing retailer. They have one isle, kind of like the Ross junk stores in California. On several occasions I have been stopped in the grocery stores by people telling not to buy whatever I just picked up because it is pennies cheaper at Aldi. People don't seem to mind that all the fruits and vegetables purchased there go bad in a day or two.

We invited one of Kira's German friends over for dinner several weeks ago. Germans do not like to eat with their hands. We served beef tacos. Kira's friend noticed the ground beef on the stove and wanted to know why we were cooking food for our dog at dinner. She laughed when we showed her how to eat tacos.

Kira is doing very well and will be sad to leave Germany in a few years. She belongs to a local youth group, run by the local American church. In April they raised money for a homeless shelter by sleeping outside for the night and getting sponsors. Probably 50 kids participated and they raised around $1,000. She is doing well in school and has enjoyed playing basketball and other activities. I think she will be close to trilingual when she leaves here in three years, which will be excellent. Report cards are due out this week and we will see! Kira is still actively involved in basketball and Hip Hop at school. She attended a basketball tournament during the month of February in Rotterdam. Although they did not win the kids all seemed to have a great time. She was really impressed with how big the Rotterdam International School was. She went to Munich for a weekend for basketball and touring in the middle of February and she was very excited. Her school work continues to be easy (which is not what we expected but what we are dealing with). There are a few administrative changes and personnel changes happening in her school and we are hopeful that an increased focus on challenging the children academically will happen. She is doing very well in German and French and may be the only one in our family that has a knack for languages. She is maturing fast and is quickly becoming a young lady. I am sad to see her grow up and want to keep her protected but this is not possible. To that effect the boy she has been going to the dances with asked her to be his girlfriend just before Xmas. She was thrilled and I guess they are an item. Although he says she doesn't pay much attention to him at school - women never change!

Conner is also growing up fast. He is walking now as a routine matter and has decided that sleeping in his crib is not appropriate for a boy of his age and stature. After throwing himself out of his crib 2 nights in a row in January he convinced us that sleeping on his mattress on the floor was a safer place to be. We have to lock him into his room at night so that he doesn't wander out as his room is right at the top of the stairs. He sleeps soundly through the night now and to my knowledge has not tried to get out of his room during the night. Conner is doing great. He goes to preschool 3 half days a week. I take him to a Mom and kid toddler group for a couple of hours twice a week. He is going to be a rough and tumble kind of kid, I'm pretty sure. A couple of weeks ago he took a spill, banging his face and putting a big bump on his head. This week, he did the same to the other side of his face. He is certainly different from Kira. We went swimming in April for the fist time and he had a great time. I'll probably take him once or twice a week in the future. He still isn't talking a whole lot, but knows such key words as dog, woof, cat, truck, dad, mom, ra (for Kira) and a couple of other key words. He completely adores Kira and so far the feeling is mutual.

Dianne spent some time in Moscow working on a telecom client. Although she worked very long hours they did manage to get some sightseeing in. They went to the Balshoy ballet which was fun. It was a modern ballet, which she was less than enthusiastic about, but she got to see the buildings (there are actually 2 - a new one and the original - this production was in the new one). As well, the production was being sponsored by the Netherlands and the Queen of the Netherlands was there. They also had a tour of the city in the evening and saw a lot of the architecture (7 sister buildings put up by Stalin, University of Moscow, and the Kremlin). On the Thursday morning they visited Red Square and saw Lenon in his tomb as well as the outside of the Kremlin wall. They were unsuccessful at getting inside the Kremlin but they will do this in May when they return. We hoping to tag along with her in May as it would be a good time to do some touring.


All in all we are beginning to get settled here. We were sad to leave CA after a return visit at Xmas (probably Dianne more so than Kira and I) but have decided that if we are going to live here for another 2.5 years than we had better make it feel like home. To that effect we have almost hung up all our pictures. We have also leased a second used car as Dianne hates me driving her around. She can now zip around down in an old 96 BMW convertible. Its a little cold with the top down, but it sure looks good!

Everything else is status quo and we are just trying to make it through the winter so that we can begin to enjoy the outdoors etc. The weather was terrible when we came back from the Christmas holidays (-12 with snow for about a week). Everyone tells me this is unique but I am not certain. We are now typically in the plus 15 range or higher (about 60 Fahrenheit) so that is not bad. It is always grey here which is really hard to get used to. I really miss the CA sun!

I thought I would finish up with some of life's funnier moments here in Germany as I wade through the cultural landmines that abound around here.

Large underground parking lots are great in Germany and are very automated. Typically you drive in, push a button, out pops a ticket, the barricade lifts up, and you drive in and find a spot. On the way out, there are cash machines on most floors that you insert your ticket, it tells you how much you owe, you pay, and then at the exit you put your ticket in a machine, the barricade lifts up and you drive away. Simple and elegant. However, here in the suburb of Bad Godesburg where we live, this garage also has an attendant that roams around enforcing all the rules, explicit and implicit. Women only parking on the first floor is for women drivers only. Mother and child parking is NOT for father and child. Explicit rules are easy. An unwritten rule seems to be you need to park in the first available spot. I always drive to the bottom floor where there is plenty of parking. One day several months ago, Dianne was also attempting to follow my very good advice when the parking police (polite version of name Dianne gave to him) came running after Dianne screaming at her that she had apparently missed parking in a spot. As she continued to drive on, missing small narrow spots, this guy became infuriated, yelling at her in German to park the car in an open spot. Dianne rolled down the window, smiled, said that she only spoke English and drove to the bottom floor. She is still traumatized today and I usually park the car for her fear of meeting up with the enforcer.

Recycling is taken very seriously in Germany. When we moved in, we were given bins for paper, plastic/metal, bio waste and regular garbage. I asked the property manger when we were getting the glass recycling container. He replied, "Oh, you don't need a bin, we have large containers conveniently located all over the city that you can drive your glass to". I thought, that's weird, I wonder if he is just lazy and won't give me one so I asked the neighbor what they do about glass and was told, "Oh, you don't need a bin, we have large containers conveniently located all over the city that you can drive your glass to" Every week or so I now load the car with glass and drive around looking for 20 minutes for a convenient bin. Very weird.

Recycling pick up times are issued in a very large book and sent to us in the mail at random times. Sometimes regular garbage is done weekly, sometimes bi weekly. The other stuff is all done a couple of times a month, and different dates every month. The bins are never picked up on the same day. Every night I look out the window and say to myself, I hope the neighbors can read that damn manual as I scan to see if they have left cans out for the next morning pickup.

I also found out that everyone takes sorting very seriously and have heard many stories where recycling collectors will go through your bins and if anything is out of order they either (politely) just leave the bin without emptying it or (rudely) knock the bin and its contents all over your lawn. The collectors always look through our bins (what are they looking for? Do they keep the good stuff??), but have always taken it away.

The have just instituted a new deposit program for some plastic bottles and most aluminum (mostly beer) cans whereby stores charge you a deposit when you buy it and give you back your money when you return it. Almost all the stores hate this bureaucracy and require you to keep the receipt showing you were charged the deposit at their store before they refund you any money. I was at a store and had spent a considerable amount on groceries when the clerk starts talking to me at high speed in German about the receipt. I tried, but just couldn't figure out what she was saying, so she tracked someone down to explain to me that if I wanted my 50 cents in deposit back, I would have to keep the receipt. I naturally just threw the stuff into the recycling bins when we were done with the goods. Two days later the maid (yes we have a maid? Dianne hates my house cleaning abilities), pulls the bottles from the bins and proceeds to tell me all about the new deposit program. I tried to tell her that for 50 cents, it just wasn't worth the hassle so I threw away the receipt. She was truly disappointed. In the future I am going to have to do a better job hiding the bottles from her.

The funniest thing of all about German recycling is that they do not have the infrastructure to deal with all the sorting done by individuals, so it is all combined at the end process and burned. Many people know this, but insist that it is still good to practice sorting, so when the infrastructure can handle it, the transition will be easy.

When we arrived for our first visit last year in June, we ran across a very bizarre habit whereby Germans turn off their car at busy intersections and at train crossings to cut down on pollution being emitted form the car. The other day I was sitting waiting for a train to pass and I blurt out under my breath, why doesn't that idiot in front of me turn off his car. I guess I'm adapting rather well.

We were having dinner with some Germans when the topic of health came up. The German stated that he couldn't believe how unfit Americans were compared to Germans. I believe his view came from visiting Florida. What he really saw were French Canadians lying on the beach with their speedos. Our opinion was that Germans were incredibly unhealthy compared to Americans. 40% of Germans smoke (the highest % in Europe) and they eat incredibly greasy food. Everything is fried. Good German food is Italian! Americans have a life expectancy of 77 years and the Germans 78, so I guess they are right. Perspective is very interesting.

Germans also love to bike. It is definitely weird to see an 80 year old lady huffing and puffing up the steep hill to our house. I also see men in business suits and a poncho riding to work in the pouring rain. Only severe snow seems to keep them away. No one wears helmets. Dianne was having German lessons last week. One of the exercises was to use a work in a made up sentence to check your understanding. Dianne's word was "helmet" and she said (in German) "I wear a helmet when I ride my bike". The German teacher says "No, "helmet" ", so Dianne repeats the sentence. The teacher raises her voice and says no you don't understand and proceeds to mimic wearing a helmet on her head. After a 3 minute explanation that Dianne really did wear a helmet when she cycled, the teacher kind of gave up with a perplexed look in her face as if to say, "you really do wear a helmet?"

When getting a shopping cart you must always have a Euro ready to unlock the cart from the group in the parking lot. Of course, when we first arrived, we rarely carried a Euro coin around, and if we did, it was by luck. Several times we simply strolled into the store and asked the clerk to break a bill. At every store they would point to the cash drawer and say, sorry I can't open it, so we would have to go begging to people around the store to break a bill or buy a 10 cent item with a 50 Euro bill. We would curse the employee for days. As I watch more carefully these days, the clerk says, sorry the drawer won't open, but they mean, sorry I can't open the drawer, but if you wait until the next customer to pay, then I'll make change. It's hard to pay attention to nuances when you are stressed to death about grocery shopping. The other day I was in a parking lot returning my cart to get my Euro back, when a lady comes up to me and asks to break a two Euro coin so she can get a cart. I'm thinking to myself that I wonder if she is new to Germany too? Don't all Germans carry Euros? I only had one Euro in my pocket, so I brilliantly told her (in German), Give me your two Euro coin and I'll give you the cart (with the Euro in it) and my one Euro. Apparently she didn't trust me, even with Conner in tow, so we had to walk across the entire parking lot, return my cart, take out the Euro, do the exchange for the two euro coin and then she deposited my coin back into the cart and started on her way to shop. Germans are very distrustful and never assume the best. I'm sure the expression; "benefit of the doubt" does not exist in Germany.

Distrust seems to manifest itself everywhere. Everything is locked, Our house has 16 doors and all have a lock and key. Every key is different. If you leave you're car for 1 minute, it's locked. Some of my neighbors lock their car as they haul each load of groceries into the house. It feels like I live in Detroit, but I doubt if we have ever even had a minor crime in our neighborhood. One of Dianne's co workers did commit an unwritten crime though. Too much grilling on the barbeque. Apparently a neighbor was irate that he was using his BBQ once a week and that was too much, so he came over to explain that he need to cease and desist. There are no such laws on the books, but people have no problem telling you that what you are doing is offending them.

Culture can change and Dianne has proved it. Germans never say hi when they walk by you. It's as if they are busy and life is too important for the small stuff. We have about 15 blue collar construction workers in our neighborhood that are working to finish up the houses they have been working on for the last 3 years. One morning Dianne insists on saying "Guten Tag (good day)" to the three or four people she sees in the morning. No one looked her way or responded. I laughed at her. Three weeks later, Dianne is still saying 'Guten Tag' every morning to the stone faces. But low and behold, about a month later, one responds back. Today, all the workers say "Guten Tag" to us every morning without prompting. Go Dianne! The world is a friendlier place for us and I'm sure the Germans can't wait for us to return to California.

Bye for now

tom